OR how to make your brother laugh so hard his false teeth fall out!!
OK, let us set the scene. I had gone to Yuma (BIG city around here!) for physical therapy. After making my therapist happy. Not nurse Ratchet, but she does have some issues with corporeal punishment! And back to my story. My brother drove me to Yuma. I am not allowed to drive, not physically. I mean I am still able to drive. But when you drive a truck that just had $20.000.00 put into it, that is a story for another day.
OK, back to the original story. I came home from Yuma. Tired and a little bit sore. I made a beeline to my my bed. I had actually forgetting that I had to do a little shifting before going to see my exercise guru. I was quickly reminded, as the mattress AND I were skidding to the floor. On my way down I remembered that I had started on a art project, with yarn, hoops and SCISSORS!! I actually didn’t remember until some thing sharp was poking my butt!!
So now I am stuck in a rather unfaltering position. Some where between the wall, mattress and a scary sharp pointing object. I screamed to my brother, HELP!! No answering. I then thought of using my cell phone. Yep, the cell phone I had just put in my purse and that purse is now hanging on my door knob. About six feet away! It was still just swinging there!
Just take if from me the two sentences you do not want to hear together are:
- I have fallen and I can’t get up
- Shove it up your A$$!
The second one is being to be the more dire of the two.
I FINALLY heard signs of life. So I yelled again! Harvey (brother #2) hit the door and he started LAUGHING! My shouts went from “HELP” to “Take a picture and DIE!!!” Not sure which one took his attention more! Trying to catch his dentures or the threat! I know it was the first one. I have threatened him before and it never worked.
He came into my bedroom and started yelling at me. “Here the Hell are you!?”
I tried to get a hand above the mattress, no luck. I finally tossed a shoe. I was hoping to hit him with it! But at least he stopped laughing. He pulled the mattress off me. I still had a job to do. I reached back and found the “Pointy thing” was just a butter knife. Can you imagine having my brother dive me back to Yuma and trying to explain WHY I had a knife stuck in my BUTT?!
After we got the box springs and mattress in alignment, I turned on Harvey and yelled “where were you!” He had gone to check the horses and cows. I guess checking on me was low on his priorities list!