My Son Peter and I took his Dad into Lakewood for shoulder surgery. Surgery went well and as his Dad was sleepy we decided to go check into the hotel that he had gotten. It was nice enough, but Peter had been raised in Englewood and had friends he wanted to see – without parental supervision! So off he went. I sat playing Gin Rummy on the tablet for a while. Then got bored enough to see what was on TV, nothing. Asked if they had a pool… No, but we have a wonderful exercise room. (If you have seen me lately – exercise and I don’t actually speak, well sometimes I wave!). I decided I might as well get a shower and call it a day.
This is where I found something strange that I hadn’t even thought about. A BATH!! OK, I know, showers are quicker, cleaner and basically the preferred method of personal hygiene. As I was standing under the warm shower, looking down at the tub. I began thinking – when was the last time I had a BATH? I mean a sit in until finger and toes look like a pugs face! Steaming up every mirror, chrome surface and having a mist that hangs in the room. Not the get the kid in and out, chase them down the hall trying to get his clothes on, kind of bath. But a really decadent time-wasting (Hotel room alone remember?) kind of experience.
I remember hearing (probably on the internet!) that the Japanese have taken baths to a whole new level. The first thing they do before a bath is shower! Well, I was half way there already! I turned the shower off and let the water fill up the tub. Lacking any bubble bath I grabbed the rest of the shampoo in the “travel size” complementary basket of goodies, and poured it in the rising water…just for good measure I added the conditioner AND spare lotion, not one of my better ideas but I WILL get to that in a minute.
As I lowered my aging body into the almost too hot water. I was soaking away trying to remember the last bath I had taken. Thinking back, we had to have Mom’s shower redone due to her inability to get into the tub anymore. Then I moved to Haxtun, federally funded housing has much the same shower. Moving in with Peter has had a few challenges, the main one being the shower. If you run too much water it leaks downstairs, no baths allowed! I am living the high life soaking all my troubles away. My feet are becoming pink and pruney, my fingers are doing a good intimation of raisins, pores are singing the song of openness! I am thinking I am having the time of my life. Well, as much as I can in a hotel by myself. Then comes the time when the water has cooled and I have decided that enough is enough and enjoyable as it is I need to make a move toward bed. Remember the conditioner AND lotion? I thought it would add a little softness to my skin and a little fragrance to the water. What I didn’t count on was that it also made the tub, handles and me slicker than snot on a doorknob!! (If I don’t change that sentence later, please forgive me!)
As the water keeps draining and I keep wallowing a thought strikes me… Here I am ALONE in the tub, NAKED (who wouldn’t be, right?) and if I can’t get out the only hope I have is either Peter calling it an early evening with his friends, not bloody likely, but at least he would laugh with me. The other option is yelling at the top of my voice hoping someone in one of the other rooms is awake enough to hear me. Visions of having a complete stranger come in and finding my wallowing efforts have come to naught, gave me enough of a prod to just roll over the side of the tub and fall…. all 2 feet… to the floor. I have a very warped sense of humor, now don’t visualize this (OK, too late right?) I am laying on the bathroom floor, sliding around like a greased pig. I try to find something that I can use to dry off with, so the conditioner will at least become less greasy and rub off the lotion that just mere minutes ago seemed like a good idea! My humor gene really is bent like a spaghetti noodle so I am laying on the floor laughing like a lunatic.
If anybody comes in now I will be joining Peter’s Dad in the hospital – physic ward!! I find the towel that I had left on the toilet, managing to sit up and dry off essential body parts so that crawling on my hands and knees to the carpeted area I was able to at least get my ASS off the floor. Using the towel like a mop with my feet I got most of the slick stuff off the floor. So much for a nice relaxing BATH after all that exercise I need a SHOWER!
Hey That reminds me of another story – read “Story of a Shower” I wonder if I can just go through life dirty?? Where would the fun be in that?