No, not the winning lottery numbers, not the final four for March Madness and definitely not the style choice of the year!
To quote Katheryn Hepburn “I don’t know what it is but I have it in spades!” The it that she was talking about was star power. The “it” that I am talking about is Moxy and personality, Yes, that dreaded word that has been the bane of the dating world since before speed dating, Internet dating and web sites that promise a life long match to rival Romeo and Juliet. OK maybe not such a great comparison, but you the the picture.
I want to share with you all of the hard work and tears that it took me to achieve this Moxy and great personality. I know to quote another movie icon “The rabbi that has to praise himself has a congregation of one!” But I have been praised by friend and family, and some no so friendly family! This transition started as a chubby lonely girl out of the ranks of 3 brothers. One was rather stout like me – he got the music gene, he sounds like angles and looks like Santa Clause. He also got a slight shade of my personality gene. The next one got the long eyelash, wavy hair and “I can eat what ever I want and never gain a pound” gene. Then there was the youngest of us all who got the rebel gene. I being the only girl. I got the “I can SMELL pie and gain ten pounds” gene. Thank goodness I also got the I can look around and see that people like to be talked to gene. They like feeling important and they LOVE to laugh. Sometimes at themselves and sometimes at me. I have had a weight problem all of my life. Which started the great transformation to personality greatness. It set me apart just enough to be mindful of the kids around. It also let me be taken into the protection of some of my Aunts. I was introduced into the world of adult conversation, and still sometimes the childishness of pranks and teasing. I learned that the teasing while some times still hurtful, it gave me the opportunity to feel the emotions of non acceptance the warmth of acceptance making sure that the difference was always made with humor, fun and of course love. That last one got me into some trouble later on in life!!
Now I know that you all have heard “The more tortured the vine the sweeter the wine!” I am sure you can see how this fits right into the Moxy gene. I have brought you all the way to here to tell you a story. Ready? Here goes, along with the personality I developed a rather good looking exterior even thought larger, dressing, make up and hair (Yep had the ’80’s hair) added to my protective Moxy layer. When I was doing my partying years, I always seemed to have at least a descent number of admirers. And a close group of friends that like to party, dance and drink. We all worked together and after work happy hours were a staple part of my life for a number of years.
At one point I found that one of the younger guys that we all worked with seemed to be turning up more and more often. He seemed to enjoy just sitting there. He just happened to be one of the best looking guys I had seen in quite a while. But, alack and alas he lacked ANY KIND of Moxy or personality.
We had once again gathered at our favorite place. We linked most of the tables together. Our group included some “part-time” musicians. They played we danced – not really partners just in a group. In a circle or just whoever we happened to be at the time. My personality challenged co-worker wound up dancing in front of me as the song ended. I decided to return to the community table to finish my drink. (Dancing was thirsty work!) He followed – I didn’t notice until he sat down in the chair next to mine that had previously been occupied by a female friend. She just stopped by and picked up her drink and found another seat. Giving me the look of “What’s up” I was a little taken aback when he asked me “You don’t like me too much do you?” now this is a question that shouldn’t be asked of a person who has had a drink or two (OK, more like 9!) because I also lack the filter gene. This fact was made worse with alcohol and stupid questions.
Making the answer that came tumbling out of my mouth rather a more unkind than I had intended. “No, I don’t and let me tell you why.” Taking my glass in one hand picking up someone’s cigarette in the other (I don’t smoke).”You come with us but you don’t seem to want to join in the fun. You seem to stay by yourself and watch us, only occasionally joining in. I would think you could be more friendly, more likable, more interactive. Have some Moxy!”
He shocked the cigarette right out of my hand by saying “I would really like to be more friendly with you.” I was speechless, this guy was at least 10 years my junior and I really can’t be seen with someone who looks like I won him in a charity raffle.
I thought I had heard something wrong and I said “What?”
He looked at me and said again “I would like to be more friendly with you. Can I give you a ride home?” I was so shocked that my drink sat back down on the table untouched. I mumbled something and ran (YES RAN) for the bathroom. I found one of my friends in the bathroom and asked her if she could get my purse for me. She did and I scooted out the door.
Hoping that the next time I saw him I could pull the old “TOO much to drink to remember!” Ploy. Which I must say had worked several times in the past. The next morning my boss, one of the group that had been out, asked me if I had actually left WITH my Moxy challenged co worker “You have got to be kidding? He has NO personality what so ever I can’t imagine having anything to talk to him about.!”
After her comment about talking not being what he was interested in. “He never had to have a personality. He was always in demand because of this looks.” It then dawned on me that she was right, even thought I was blessed with the greatest Moxy gene EVER. It hadn’t occurred to me that some people don’t have to have a personality. I am sorry for them.
As my “should have, would have, could have” years outgrow my “someday, maybe and will” years I look back and wonder. What happens if you have never develop a personality, rely on you looks and when they fade you have nothing? How sad. Even with the years it took me to develop my winning personality (MODESTY- never one of my virtues!) But as I age I can still say – “HEY, world I have Moxy!”